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Words are just what I can think of to express myself.

I felt that blogging was the only way for me to express when I have serious problem. Thanks for the talk-out bro! KahKoon and Lennard. You both really told me something honest from your heart. Thanks too cath! =]

I started Freelance Web Design since early of this year and I can say I am still picking up and thanks to Pin, I can say I learn a lot of things. Without him, I wouldn’t be who I am today. And thanks to my good companion David too. Firstly, KahKoon felt that I changed in the sense of being short tempered and also being very busy.

You might ask me, even I don’t have new projects, why am I still busy. Still once a while David and I do meet up clients for web revamp / maintenance / change request. Reason: I felt that I am still new and I need to venture around things like coding, databases, servers, scripts.. All these I need to at least have basic knowledge and understands its application. Learning is a never ending process.

Creativity? This is one of my not-so-strong part in development phase and I do need to put in a lot of effort in it. I am not complaining but I feel so enthusiasted whenever I get new things to venture around with. That’s just me being adventurous tweaking around with the IT world. But at the same time, I am just afraid that, if I am doing badly academically, I would have disappointed my parents. They were the one financially supported me for my studies since I was young. I have failed them twice during my high school and although they did not express their disappointment to me, I can still feel it. I bet they just didn’t want to give me extra peer pressure.

Few of my friends, first my heng dai kahkoon felt that. Don’t neglect my studies. This is very true I know that too. I can say I am not doing too badly in studies, at least for now though. And I am very keen in exploring new things and when opportunity comes around, getting hit by something, I have got this mixed feeling whereby happy, joy, frustrated, emo, confused and etc. Lennard felt that I should take care of my time management. Everything should strike a balance.

I felt that I gain a lot within this interval. What I gain? Experience. I started knowing how to deal with people, how to have a “corporate” face when dealing with not-so-satisfied customer and also lots more that Pin also inspired in my thinking. Now, whenever I am total free, I don’t feel like going out of my house too much, rather going to bed sleep. I know that’s very unhealthy.

Sometimes, friends would ask me out for a drink. Of course, I seldom say no but towards some extend, and I do understand is my problem too. I just can’t get my self off my notebook before getting something done. In a way it’s good, but at the same time, it can be very bad too. People started to get you out of their cycle and ended up? HOW? And this is what I didn’t want to happen at ALL.

They are of course people of understanding. But lesser meet up doesn’t mean that we are more apart from each other?

Understanding the principle you lost on the path of gaining, very true! I lost many things I realized suddenly after Sonia reminded me how long have I got to know KahKoon. Then I started to think backwards. Very true, without realizing, I dropped a lot of abstract objects along the way. Though some may be found when I proceed further, more like LOST AND FOUND, but some just went off like that. I am very depressed when I found out something that I used to have but lost it.

And I always tell myself, or should I say, that, I felt being attached to someone (in a relationship) will always restrict my movement and activities. And having one takes up a lot of time, at the same time, I do not want to be bounded to responsibilities and obligations yet. I mean YET. And that doesn’t mean I am not straight!!!

Maybe I just need a break. But at the same time, I just cant resist myself from exploring more new things. IT world is moving very fast, you must be fast to catch up. I started to drain more traffic to my website so that I am more known by others. What I did was doing article write-up. And this work. What’s next? Domain investment? What is next? Next? and NEXT?

Anyway, I am just ranting here. No matter what, I am still going to continue with what I am doing now and i really want to thank for the support all these while and I really appreciate it. Continuing doesn’t mean that I am just ignoring opinions from you guys. That will be in my mind when progressing. I am working towards a better person with my own passion.

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